Hammond

[boring]

"Oh shit, I think I've followed through"
and...............
"Hi I'm Richard Hammond, I shit myself and if your lucky I might be sick on you!"

Yes, these are genuine Hammond quotes!
Do they really need explaining?

[whitey]

...and the ladies 4s loved it! Although a girl in my hall thinks you're disgusting hammond - despite having 'an embarrassing crush' on your namesake.